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Question:
This has been tearing at me for months so I would deeply appreciate a response. My boyfriend and I have been dating for less than a year. (We are both adults well past our college years.)
Why do I feel so angry and less significant when he looks at or watches porn? They don't even have to be naked, he'll download girls pictures from the internet and has a vast collection. Years ago when I knew him, it didn't bother me. But now it does. God has been changing me. I've told him what the Bible says about lust.
But he says things like, "Who am I lusting over besides you?" and "God made them beautiful and I love to look at them."
What do I say to that? He was brought up by Christian parents. So was I. What else can I say to him? Could you possibly send something that he could read himself? He won't listen to me. Or am I wrong to feel this way? Is it merely jealousy or insecurity? Thank you very much.
Troubled
ATP:
Be assured that your feelings and thoughts are the correct ones here. There are three areas that sin falls into, as noted in 1 John 2:16:
"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world."
Here are the three: "lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the boastful pride of life."
Your boyfriend's actions are an obvious, no questions asked, "lust of the eyes" issue. Not to pick on him, but I believe he knows his actions are wrong, apart from anything he may know or not know about the Bible. When he debates with you, he is just trying to justify his behavior.
I would be careful about this relationship. Since he has "quite a collection" as you noted, he definitely has a problem--not that having even a small collection is ok!
The only question is the extent of his problem.
Since he is not "17" but is reasoning like he is a 17 year old, he likely has one of two another problems as well: he is either incapable of knowing the difference between right and wrong or he knows full well that his actions are wrong, but thinks so little of you that he is convinced he can bamboozle you with childish rhetoric.
I think the most likely scenario is that in his heart he knows that his actions are wrong, but he doesn't want to give up what he is enjoying so much.
Even if his watching porn weren't wrong--but it is--if it is something that bothers you in such a strong way, then he ought to be able to give it up out of respect for you anyway. The fact that he isn't willing to do so is a major red flag.
Your gut feeling about this being wrong on his part, is correct. Don't be persuaded otherwise.
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