Are we required to forgive?

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Question: Am I required by God to forgive someone who doesn't come to me to ask for forgiveness?" An example would be a neighbor who knowingly wrongs me or the 9/11 terrorists. What does the Bible say about this? I've heard counselors and therapists say it is important to forgive for our own benefit, but is this in line with God?

T.B., Illinois


ATP: I would say, yes we are to forgive.

Proverbs says that it is the glory of a wiseman to overlook a fault. There are many times when we are sinned against but the offender doesn't come to ask for forgiveness because they are blissfully unaware that they have injured us. In these circumstances we have the option of "pre-emptive" forgiveness, forgiveness in advance with no repentance or discussion required.

Thankfully most of us practice this kind of forgiveness on a regular basis. A colleague or co-worker says something that is intended to hurt us, but due to the context we often just "consider the source" and let it go.

The question really isn't: Do we or should we forgive people without them asking for forgiveness? We already do that regularly and know that it is the right thing to do. The question is, is there a line where things change? Unfortunately I don't think there is a definitive line where repentance from the other person is required before we forgive. In many cases we will need to forgive with no repentence on the part of the other person.

(Of course there is a sense in which we should always forgive, whether or not a person has repented. For two stages/aspects of forgiveness, see related post in this Blog, dated January 1, 2005 and titled, "If we forgive some one does that mean that we have to like them? And trust them? ")

On the other hand there is a point where we may need to confront. If the perpetrating person’s behavior will injure others or if we aren’t able to internally/emotionally release their sin against us, we need to speak to them and seek restoration and correction.

Our forgiving the person by the way, should not be confused with them being forgiven by God. While we may forgive them without them even knowing it, they still have sinned. And that must be dealt with between them and the Lord.

In some cases the Lord will bring specific things to their mind. In other cases, the events will be too many or too long ago for them to remember, so the Lord will bring a general sense of their need for forgiveness for a certain attitude or way of dealing with people.

In the latter instance a blanket, "Lord forgive me for behaving that way over the years" takes care of business with the Lord. We can be eternally grateful that God forgives us on this basis and does not withhold forgiveness until we have remembered and repented for, every last thing we have done to injure others or Him.

In the same way it is important that we offer others the same kind of forgiveness that God offers: sometimes specific, sometimes blanket.