How do we as Christians show love to people who are intentially rude, annoying or hurtful?

Ask The Pastor: How it got started
E-mail your questions
Master List of Articles
Tour Israel with us – Spring 2006!


Question: The Bible often refers to love, but there are people I'm pretty sure I don't love. There is one in particular that spreads untrue things about my husband and me. She has bad-mouthed me to several people including one of my children. She is annoying at best, hurtful at worst.

I have spoken to her about some of these issues but it doesn't stop her. I have prayed for patience and God has helped me tolerate her but I don't feel warm toward her at all! I guess the question is, How do we as Christians show love to people who are intentionally rude, annoying or hurtful?

VB


ATP: It isn't easy is it? In addition to the emotional difficulty of loving such people, the methods of loving people are complex. You have named some of the methods of expressing love to hurtful people: praying for them, praying for personal patience and talking directly to the person about the conflict, all of which are appropriate Christian responses. Warm feelings, however, may not and in fact need not accompany loving action.

Love isn't a feeling. It is a commitment to do what is best for the other person no matter how we feel about it and no matter how they respond. So don't be too hard on yourself regarding the "warm feelings" issue. Feelings will take care of themselves in time.

The Bible says "Insofar as it depends on you, live at peace with all men." That statement acknowledges that it may not be possible to live peaceably with everyone no matter how well we handle things. Jesus, the perfect person, had enemies and critics and people who lied about him.

With some he was patient. With others he called them what they were: hypocrites. Differing ends of the gentleness spectrum, yet both appropriate in their context.

There is no one answer to how to show love in such circumstances.

For one person the most loving thing we can do for them is to say nothing and be patient. For others, a direct confrontation nose to nose may be the greatest act of love they can receive.

God will have to show you if either of these or something somewhere in between is the preferred approach in your situation. But be encouraged, you are already on the right track